Dear Sarah Palin: Carbon emissions are getting worse, glad you like the smell

Sarah Palin

Hi, Sarah. It’s been a few posts since I last wrote about you. I know, I know, you already receive far more media attention already than you will ever deserve. So, I’ll be brief.

I couldn’t help but notice your “One Nation” [under a white Jesus] bus tour/Tea Party love-fest kickoff event in D.C., surrounded by swarms of fans and bikers alike (most of whom thought they were simply there to pay tribute to fallen soldiers at a pro-veterans Rolling Thunder event, but you showed them who’s the top-rater).

Sure, you hit some problems with American war veterans for overshadowing their event as many were a tad bit displeased that you made Memorial Day all about yourself.

But you brought it back, Sarah. You made them get it.

How very down-to-earth of you; mixing it up with the common folk, straddled across the humming steel of the symbolic pastime of American ingenuity while looking forward to the praising chants of fans that most probably know even less about our revered Founding Fathers than you do (which is pretty damn tough).

You spoke their language, as all former/would-be-politicians/Fox News employees should. Donning your helmet and posing for the cameras on the back of someone else’s hog, you quipped happily “I love that smell of the emissions!” to the crowd of potential voters and, perhaps more importantly, “lamestream media” cameras.

For which I believe kudos are in order for the neatly placed hot button keyword of “emissions” when referencing the exhaust fumes of all the revved-up two-wheeled vehicles; marking what was surely an all-but-copyrighted verbal wink to your adoring pro-fossil fuel fans. They obviously (as well as most media covering your little “event”) ate that shit right up. Way to stick it to the liberals, Sarah.

Nevermind the fact that, according to recent findings by the International Energy Agency, the world’s harmful carbon emissions (I know, right? I didn’t think all that black, gagging smoke was bad for us, either!) actually hit new record highs in 2010.

According to the Agency, 2010 had a total of 30.6 GIGATONS in carbon emissions due to a booming energy sector – far suprassing 2009  and reaching a whopping five percent greater amount than 2008, which was the record holder for carbon emissions.

But it’s cool, right? Of course it is. This planet is ours to fuck with. Jesus says so. It’s in the Bible.

I mean, you’ve noted all along how you’ve felt a tangible call to political service by Jesus himself. Why would he call you, of all people, if you were wrong on nearly every single point you ever make?

We get it. That “fire in [your] belly” you mentioned isn’t to right the wrongs of poor fiscal responsibility, shabby foreign policy or inept education reform. It has little to do with fixing our hugely-for-profit healthcare system or strengthening our borders against the hordes of immigrants just dying to earn less than minimum wage on the overnight sweep team at Wal-Mart.

You spoke yesterday on immigration reform – at Ellis Island of all places (even though I thought those liberal city-folk just weren’t American enough for ya) – lambasting the DREAM Act for a laundry list of reasons that you just so happened to get blatantly wrong on nearly every point. You tend to do that often on many topics that face the nation these days; military spending, economic stimuli, and national security are just a few others to take a brushed-off backseat to the real motivation: leading the country to Jesus (for profit, of course).

Because really, what does reason, accountability or (in this case of emissions) science have over our Jesus? Why should we care whether or not the planet is crumbling, drying, flooding or burning? What does it really matter that entire civilizations are threatened by famine, disease and widespread violence due in large part to factual data-supported climate change?

God is coming – maybe not like he was supposed to last Saturday, but he is coming nonetheless. Why should any of us choose to pay attention to actual science – actual FACTS – when Jesus himself is on his way?

Many – including myself – are just itching to see how that burning “fire” pans out and how well your now-supporters would take to you or your cohorts’ installation of a largely theocratic government in the United States; a Dominion of God over government and American culture and a “return” of the United States to biblical law (kind of like Muslim states, just with a different bearded guy).

But those are big words, huh? Big grown up words, which many in your crowds may not be ready to understand just yet. THEE-OH….THEE-OHH-CRA…ah fuck it, Freedom! Smoke! Pussyfoot! Palin 2012!